I always wondered why i get upset when i hear people say people can do the following things to try and make their mental conditions more manageable

Go to therapy Exercise Take on a hobbie Make friends Go places travel Do self care Dress up more even if you dont go anywhere Spiritual counseling

I realized the reason i get upset is not because i don't want to do any of these things, i truly want to get better, but the big thing is i dont have access to those things.

Therapy i tried and every provider i went to didn't help me and now im in a predicament where i cant even go to therapy at all.

I have many hobbies but most of them require money and all my money goes to bills and my family. Well most of it. Whatever i have left i try to save for things to help me cope but now when i look at my wish lists they dont make me feel anything. Its just pure emptiness and same thing with hobbies. They dont make me excited and thinking about starting a new one is the same thing.

I dont feel anything and everything drains me now.

Making friends is also not in my bounds because theres not alot of people where i live and im an online college student now. So i only see classmates on zoom and all the events they have to interact with people are on campus and i dont have the funds to live on campus and it makes me so sad seeing the people im in school with having fun and doing things when im virtually stuck just getting glimpses of life through a screen.

Going places is again not financially feasible right now and i want to go to the beach so bad or even the aquarium. Those places relax me and i cant even go and that makes me sad.

Self care is something i struggle with but since the products i need for my skin and hair are expensive again i can't do the things that actually make me feel a little better. With that. I cant even do my hair because i dont have hair products.

The clothes that ik will probably give me a sense of self love and feel like myself are also out of price range and since i dont go out i dont bother to dress uo especially if the clothes i have are not gonna change anything.

Spiritual counseling is like my last resort as far as therapy goes and ive been wanting to do it for a long time and again this costs and i cant pay for it. I got into it with practitioners on social media and i felt connected to them and wanted fully get into it. But it costs and most of the people that do consistent work with them have decent or well paying jobs and there is a rule that you cant do that stuff without payment and also i wouldn't want to not pay anyone for their time either. So i backed off of their content and stopped interacting with them just for the sake of respecting them.

It makes me sad because they say try to help yourself or seek help and confide in others when you are struggling but everytime i try its always something i need in order to receive help. And they dont tell us what to do when we tried everything.

They just say be patient and you'll get the help you need or to not ask others for help because i should be able to do this all myself.

I dont know what to do. Im confused and my mind isnt okay and me feeling empty makes me thing im severely depressed. All i know to do is to stay away from others because no body wants a depressed person around.

In spirituality negative energy is low energy and while i agree it can not be a good thing. It frustrates me because i cant control it. I can try to be happy but im truly not and i dont want to feel like this. Im not trying to be like this.

I dont know if this means we are just bad apples in society or just menaces. I don't know.

The mental health commercials are so confusing. They say your not alone and reach out for help. And when i do bad experiences happen to me.

I dont know. Im scared that one day im not gonna have fight left in me and im really trying. I really am. Im so lost