My worst problem right now, which has probably been going on a while, is that small/mundane events cause me to spiral, as if my sanity is just that fragile. And absolutely no one is at fault. It's all happening in my head. I feel like I'm in a relatively decent place in life - except for maybe the lack of a girlfriend/partner. I have friends and a job that's not too bad. But for the last several years, tiny things send me into anxiety spirals that can have pretty terrible effects. Sometimes I know exactly how long they will last when they happen. I'm not sure if it's a matter of my self esteem or ego getting hurt - maybe?

To provide an example, because this is probably confusing - when I was waiting for a mock interview given by someone in my company, they were like 2 minutes late and idle, and I had just messaged them, asking if we were still good to have it today. He said he was getting on soon. And somehow me just waiting in the empty call gave me the worst anxiety as he didn't get on right away, and I felt like I had to acknowledge what he wrote, so I emoted with a thumbs up, after some time of waiting. But then he immediately joined the call after that. It was the fact that I emoted that sent me into the spiral. This is a good wait to explain exactly how mundane these situations can be, and how fragile my sanity is.

Another time, I didn't quite stop at a stop sign, and my mind sent me into a spiral because I felt like a bad person for that. I think it might be related to OCD, like I have to everything perfectly.

Similarly, tying my shoes, if I really pay attention and one lace is longer than the other - there's another spiral until I fix them to be exactly the same length. Luckily, usually I'm not paying attention closely enough for it to matter.

Those three examples are basically in order of most severe to least, but all of them shouldn't matter that much (or at all in some cases). It feels like it's some weird combination of ADHD, OCD, and just general anxiety. This problem has gotten worse over the years. There's some need behind all of this to be perfect. Or to hold onto some part of me that shouldn't matter much. The problem is that I know I'm less focused/capable than before these events happened until I recover which can take varying amounts of time.