I’ve been on solo trip in another country for about 3 weeks, I’ve done it all, all alone. During every activity I’d still find it so hard to be on the moment. I kept thinking what other people would think of me when they see me. I hated it. I can’t say I fully enjoyed but I don’t want this whole thing to go to waste. I also have social anxiety and was able to meet a couple of people who were really nice but I can’t shake the feeling that I didn’t do enough. I also often felt I didn’t deserve to be here, because I’m not pretty or fit or even normal as the rest. By normal I mean, weight wise. I traveled using hostels because I read it’s good to meet people but it was hard for me. I’m also have and couldn’t even wear a swimsuit but wore shorts showing my awful cellulite so at least on that I conquered. I’ve been single for a while and I can’t lie, I was hoping I’d meet a guy but didn’t. No guys would even have eye contact with me and it’s crazy how bad made me feel so see so many attractive (to me) men that wouldn’t even acknowledge my existence. For the outside part it was a success, I exposed myself to uncomfortable situations and I’m back (almost) in once piece and a great tan but inner me is wishing I didn’t look the way i do to have Hr a better trip. Intrusive thoughts sucks, anxiety sucks, low self esteem sucks.