I'm going to give a quick story folks, and I hope that there's someone who can relate, because I'm really struggling coming to grips with intelligence.

I'm 44. I'm a high school dropout with a GED. I didn't the better part of 40 years thinking that I just didn't communicate well, I didn't have a capability to explain myself adequately and was generally written off as weird. Fine, I've had a moderately successful life, own 2 small businesses and live the upper-lower class McDream..

Only slightly relevant, I was in therapy after a long and terrible relationship with a narcissist, and through unpacking my communication breakdown we did a personality test. INFJ. I'm not sure how much weight I put in to that test, but it was interesting to learn I had a unique thought process. We explore further and I take a few more tests, including a wonderlic test and some pattern recognition tests.

Essentially, in just about 4 months I've gone from 43 years of believing I was just average, and putting forward that sort of effort, never really trying hard at all. Now all of a sudden I'm being encouraged to take the test to become a member of MENSA. I'm testing between 127-135, so honestly, on any given day I may or may not actually qualify to become a member. This isn't a "hey I'm smart" post, it's an honestly can anyone help me not only shake this impostor syndrome I'm suddenly trapped in, and how can I get this v12 engine out of this Ford Escort body and really learn how well I can process information and extrapolate information. I can't really study for the test outside of just taking the practice test i got from MENSA website over and over again, but whether I pass the test or not, I've lived an entire life not recognizing in myself, and even actively surpressing my intelligence for the sake of validation for others. Boo hoo, sob story

Seriously, what the fuck do I do now?