The tests were conducted by the school psychologist and indicated FSIQ=79, but the report states “this score should be interpreted with caution given discrepancies among their index scores “. The report also confirmed ADHD, and SLD diagnoses. The child was 10 when tested.

My child has several wonderful qualities. Maybe it’s my own fault that I can’t identify many “intelligences”, but I can say that they are pretty observant and intuitive.

Thanks. My children are good, good kids. I’m not worried at all about that aspect. More like, how can I best set them up to be safe and financially secure and stable? I won’t be here to take care of them forever.

Do you consider this a circlejerk? Because I don’t. I’m not asking other Mensans to talk with me about how awesome we are compared to our kids. I’m just asking for some advice parenting children whose experiences are different from my own, therefore I am struggling to do my best by them. And I’m asking the community which, of all those I’m part of, is most likely to include some members that have faced similar challenges. I’m here for advice, not mutual satisfaction.

I really do not believe that my idea of “success” is right. What worries me most is whether they will be able to get good enough employment to support them in an increasingly expensive world. I worry so much about them struggling. But that, too, probably reflects my own difficulties and struggles.

This is great advice, thank you!

Yes, they are medicated for their ADHD, and yes, they were medicated while they were being tested. Their father definitely has ADHD, and I do not; I was tested last year.

Thanks, they’re 10 and 12.

Thanks for sharing your experience!

Specific Learning Disability. Like dyslexia.

This is such a helpful response; thank you!

Thank you so much for this!

Fuck this. You don’t know whining, and you don’t know how every second of my life is spent trying to make my kids happy. This is why I stopped commenting.

That may be, but that’s not a helpful response to my question. Why bother chiming in?

If you truly read it, then you should know better to critique a parent that is actively seeking to do and be better for the sake of her kids. I would never, ever refer to myself as “brainy”; the whole point of including IQ in the conversation is the nature of the question and the reason for posting it in the Mensa sub.

Not from people that make assumptions based on a title, rather than reading and understanding the post, and then proceed to be unnecessarily hurtful rather than just choosing not engage in a post that doesn’t apply to them, no.

Thank you!

Every night

Thank you so much for this. My kids have received amazing support at school from their teams of teachers, techs, social workers and psychologists, and I am so appreciative of their efforts.

Thanks for sharing your perspective. To be clear, I absolutely believe that my children have strengths, and that they are good people. I just am worried about whether they will be able to “make it” enough in the world to be happy and secure. And I am also struggling with finding the sweet spot between encouraging by hem enough to thrive and be their best, without pushing them to achieve something they aren’t capable of.

Nothing. I don’t care at all what their IQ is, but apparently people are assuming that’s what this post is about without taking the time to actually read it. What this post is about, if you care at all, is how I, coming from my own point of view as a high-IQ person, can best navigate encouraging my kids, who have been identified at a young age as low IQ, to do their absolute best without pushing them too hard, to a point that may be beyond their capabilities.

But that’s not an apt analogy! My kids are not like a dude in a wheelchair with no legs! They are young, capable kids with their whole lives ahead of them! And the whole point of this post is trying to figure out the balance between encouraging them enough to do their best, but not pushing them to a point that is beyond them. Nobody knows where that is for my kids, and of course if I was able to define that boundary, that would be my line in the sand. That’s the whole reason I’m asking for help here; because my standards clearly won’t be theirs, and I don’t know how to find theirs without pushing too hard. I have nothing but compassion for my kids and I fight and advocate for them endlessly.

Thank you, I appreciate this response. This is, absolutely, how I’ve tried to be in raising them.

I’m pretty sure my kids don’t think of me as anything other than extremely supportive of them. But I’ll keep your cautionary tale in mind.

I did, and still do. Every night.

Not at all what I said. At all. I am so incredibly proud of my kids, and love them more than anything, which is why I want so much to do what’s best for them and to see them be happy and content long-term. Also not a dude. Why go out of your way to be unnecessarily mean and hurtful on a post that doesn’t apply to you?

Did you even read the post? The whole point is that I do want to support them, unconditionally, where they are.

Why do you think so?

I had a neuropsych eval last year; no ASD. My kids have had evals through both their primary care providers (and specialists) and the school; no ASD.

Thanks so much for this novel. 🙂 I may PM you; I’m hesitant to feed the trolls on this post anymore

Not at all.

I hope kicking people when they’re down, like single moms who want desperately for their adored children to grow up well and live a good life, helps you sleep well at night. Like, if you have nothing to contribute, just scroll along. But you take time out of your day to hurt others. That’s extra sad and evil.

My kids?

They seem to be working really well.

My ex-husband, their father, attempted to go to trade school for carpentry, and couldn’t get through the algebra, which was a program requirement. I suspect he had the same learning disabilities our kids do.

No, but I will, thanks.

I assume that’s a joke… I assure you it is very possible to be high IQ and poverty-stricken. And I live in a rural state, with no school choice. The only charter schools around here are online ones, which would not be a great match for either of my kids.

Yes, right. Ditto.

Thank you, this is great advice. Although it is making me feel even more guilty about continuing to say no to football and hockey… 😅

After age 30, no age gap.

My children have been receiving special ed services and accommodations for years now.

Thanks. I have always dreamed of putting them in a Montessori or Waldorf school, where I’m sure they would flourish. Unfortunately, my finances are extremely tight, and the costs of those schools are prohibitive.

But I clearly say, that that’s my knee-jerk perspective, and acknowledge that that’s probably something they’re not capable of, and I am literally posting asking for advice on how to navigate that disconnect…

Yes.

This is great advice, thank you.

I did not mean to imply otherwise, at all.

This is a wonderful, helpful response, thank you! It gives me a lot of hope. I will note that one major difference between your situation and my children’s is that both of their parents are not high-achieving. I think that, for me, seeing how hard life is for their father puts extra pressure on me to make it so that their future is not like his.

God, I hope so. I guess I’m just trying to figure out what, if anything, I can do to make it so. I just want them to be okay.

Me? If so, no. Also, my children have not been diagnosed with any ASD.

That is absolutely not how I was talking about IQ.

I thought critical thinking was absolutely tied to IQ; it’s not? Because one of my children struggles with critical thinking in a way that really worries me, and they have the “very low” IQ test result. Because I have been actively working with them on this (critical thinking) and have seen no improvement really, I guess I assumed that a low IQ was just preventing them from the ability to understand and evaluate situations critically. But I would be so happy to be wrong about this…

I have signed them up for a free clinic that tutors for their specific LD, and they are on the waiting list. So that’s something.

Are trades a good option for kids with learning disabilities in math? I suspect you have to have a good handle in math for carpentry and plumbing. Maybe also to be an electrician, I don’t know. But welding, maybe?

What’s incorrect? I literally said that in my post, that I suspect “working harder” is more than they can do. That’s the whole point of my post. Trying to figure out the right way to balance support and encouragement to guide them to a successful future.

Like… did you even read the post past the title?