... I learned that life must go on.

It's hard to decide if you would rather confess your feelings to your friend and risk your friendship, or just keep the pain inside while knowing the fact that "I am not the one for her".

Both have consequences and you must be ready to shoulder it. Unfortunately, I chose one and ended badly. On top of that, my behavior changed and the next thing I know, when I have already calmed down, I have made a lot of chaos that may not be repairable anymore.

This is not a sign to show your feelings for someone or hide it while in med school. But understand that everything has consequences. To love or like someone is natural. But when all goes south, you must be ready. Life in Med School will go on. You will see them in the same room, the same groupings, the same laboratory, reminding you and them the things that transpired.

I fucked up and now I am trying to collect my pieces because I lost a bit of my will to keep on going and become the doctor I always dreamed of. When I lost her, I lost a sense of direction and purpose. I told myself that "She is not the reason why I went to med" but then again I also want to see her become a doctor with me by her side, a boyfriend or even just a simple friend. She has now became a part of my dream. But it's a dream that may now be impossible to achieve. I really fucked up.

When the dust settled on the wake of my destruction of this friendship I had with her, I still find hope that I can fix it with her. But it's entirely up to her if she would forgive me or not. I will respect her decisions no matter what.

My classmates will still be up at 1 am studying, my doctor-teacher-facilitators will be preparing the next lectures, and I...? It's 1:17 am and I maybe lost, depressed, or unmotivated, but hey, my alarm will ring soon, I will make myself breakfast, shower with cold water, get on my white uniform, and go to class.

Life must go on, because I wanna catch up on my dreams with graduating by her side.