I hate to admit how much my parts think about the sexual abuse, the woman who raised me or some other abuse event of my childhood. Every single day for years. I was mistreated as a child and it was going on for years. I realize each time I am reminded, I am thrown into an emotional flashback. What is sad, is how it plummets me into a depth of hopelessness that feels like it will last forever. This can happen several times per day and I revert back to a scared, lost and depressed child. When I can, I try to un blend from the scared young parts, but often time that clarity is not available and I am thrust into deep exhaustion and flashback.

I decided to write my biological parent a letter, in which I am officially never reaching out again. My post history explains the details of the experience.

It feels like my life is falling apart and together at the same time.