I asked her why she did nothing to stop the sexual abuse after I told her what her husband was doing to me. My mother is also my perpetrator but I did not confront her on that.

She responded by saying, “it’s in my best interest to remove you as beneficiary to my life insurance” and went on to say that her partner will take care of her final wishes. This was about 3 weeks ago. I’m so mad, I’m also not surprised. I’m hurt, too.

The fantasy of my mom being the mom I needed is long gone but I did have a fantasy that through my mothers acknowledgment of the abuse there would be hope to heal. There is no hope and I’m ready to move on with my life.

I don’t know how to process this and I don’t know what that means in this context. These past few weeks I’ve been having a hard time going to ACA, SIA meetings, I am eating my feelings and numbing out. I don’t know how to tolerate anger and I feel dissociative and hyper focused on pleasure seeking behaviors.

Anyone relate? How did you work through this? What does processing even look like in this scenario?

I am in therapy and my therapist just returned from a month long medical leave, plan to talk to her next week.