M26m here. Now a bit serious post.

Almost 3 years ago I broke up with my ex gf. Then I became very anxious and depressed, like I felt so down. I always used to edge when I masturbated so after the break up I continued to edge. With time it became an obsession, I became a gooner and my whole life started to spin around edging.

Basically I gave up on many other activities. I even lost one job. I feel so bad when I cannot find time to edge. Like, all my time is focused on edging.

Now when I didn't edge for some time, I felt so bad about myself.

Edging has become my life. Like, I can't imagine myself doing anything else. I love edging. I do it becausr I want to have really big loads. It sounds weird but big loads are like what I live for. I enjoy edging sessions and huge cumshot. I just want to edge and feel good about myself.

Do you think that I am weird? Do you think that this is just a temporary cope mechanism? What should I do?