Hi all,

Two years ago, my wife (39) developed a crush on her coworker while our marriage of 9 years, plus two young kids, was at its lowest point.

At that time, I confronted her and demanded that she stop it. She did stop for a while but eventually resumed texting him, and it continues to this day.

She insists that he's "just a friend"—boring, I know.

I've checked her phone multiple times and never found any evidence of romantic or sexual messages. It's all friendly, related to work, kids, and life in general. I know she has deleted some messages, but I doubt she sent anything intimate. She might have just vented her frustrations about me or shared her problems, more as a release than anything romantic.

She never texts him while she's home, even when I'm not around. She doesn't disappear without reason or come home late from work. Bottom line: she doesn't seem to have the courage for anything more. Also, over the past year, our relationship has genuinely improved. I can feel it. We have sex 3 to 4 times a month, which is typical for us. We're moving forward in life together, recently buying a house and happily raising our kids.

Now, I'm really confused. We're too financially strapped to consider divorce, which may not even be necessary or justified.

What should I do? Where do we stand? What's your take on this? I'd appreciate your advice.

Tl;dr: I'm feeling gaslighted and confused by an ongoing, odd relationship my wife has with her coworker. However, the signs are mixed, and I'm looking for advice.