My husband and I are trying to pull ourselves out of a hard time in our marriage, where a lot of resentment was bred because of poor communication. We both are working to be better, but truthfully we both do not know if we can be better. We can't afford couple's therapy, but we both go to individual therapy and do check ins each night about things that bother us.

One of the things that set me off still are holidays, specifically gift giving ones. There was a span of 3 years where he did not give me a gift for myself.

I like to go over the top extravagant, he buys something on the payday after and wonders why I am upset. He has never bought me anything I wanted. Its mainly house decor stuff. Its pretty, but it has nothing to do with me. I have to buy my own stuff for my hobbies.

I have bought him 2 systems as soon as they have came out, countless video games, a car, money for 2 tattoos, magic cards, etc. It took a lot of time and effort to save up for all this. And he usually waits for a payday to spend $20-$30 on house decor stuff. There was a span of 3 years where he did not give me a gift, just said it was coming. (It did not). Somehow his parents are better about than him, and that makes me really sad.

It hurts a lot, especially because this is a big love language of mine. I just want to purge it. I want to stop expecting things to change, stop trying to talk about it only to end up arguing, and just get things I want. So I am making the decision on my own to stop buying him gifts and I told him not to buy me any either. I did not ask for his opinion, because frankly he expects and wants too much when it comes to gifts, and then gives so little. I don't want to give him anything. He always gets the newest, most expensive items and I get the crap. So I want to spend that money I spend on him on myself and feel good for a couple years. This makes me feel like I am behaving like an asshole though because the price shouldn't matter. But it does to me. Spending $500-$700 on a guy who will only drop $30 on you only on his payday when we share the same bank account feels insulting.

So I guess my question is, am I an asshole for doing this? Should I try talking things out? Or is it okay to show myself that love I showed him?

TL;DR: My husband sucks at gift giving and gift receiving. This is a major fight, so I am resolving it by not expecting gifts from him or giving him any. Does it make me an asshole to do this one-sidedly?