I am a 38 year old male She is a 36 year old female 15 year relationship.

So my wife and I have been on the rocks for a few months. We have been in therapy for a couple of months, as we have both had trouble communicating and forgiving things we did to each other in the past.

Over the past month she’s been extra distant, which we discussed and she said she didn’t know how to forgive and needs the psychologist to help her do that, which I respected.

But over the same time period, she’s been on her phone a ton more sitting in hidden spots and later than normal.

Previously, she had mentioned that a colleague made a pass at her, and she told me she disliked him and his pass at her. While she was away on business they spent noticeable time together in the office per her boss, and he eventually asked her to go out for drinks multiple times, which she said she never accepted.

Fast forward and she said because he apologized they now have a great topical friendship, which she says is important to her because he’s not in our circle of friends so she doesn’t have to pretend around him. But she said she doesn’t talk about us to him so I find that reasoning odd.

She also says that they talk mostly on Instagram. That was a big red flag.

She also responds a lot with video, which to me means she doesn’t want to leave a paper trail.

So I started getting very suspicious and began to distrust.

I looked through her MacBook which is connected to her iPhone, enough to see pictures and texts. I found some suggestive messages that were screenshots of Instagram DMs - using Vanish Mode (for those that don’t know, when you use Vanish mode, seen messages will disappear when you close the chat)

Nothing directly saying sexual things, but suggestive like this:

“I wish I could do it on a speaker” (assuming masturbation) “I wish we could just do it in the same room 😏😜” “Having a partner brings it to another level” “You think you like it now” 😮‍💨

Then the photos. Photos (pg) of her in the shower Picture of a cereal bowl in her crotch showing her legs Then the picture of her with her hand in her pants

And no proof of if they were sent to anyone

And now our QT time (8:00pm and later) they message and talk

She even forgot our anniversary and didn’t get me anything!

So I am freaking out and I told her I do not trust him and hate their relationship.

Should I bring forward my findings?

Am I crazy?

All advice please.

TL;DR

I found loose evidence of cheating via texts, pattern changes and deleted photos/messages. How should I proceed?