This will be long and in very general terms.

For months, I’ve been dealing with a direct report who’s had ongoing performance and attendance issues. At first, I tried verbal coaching to steer them in the right direction, but that didn’t work, so I had to escalate to formal corrective actions. Of course, that’s when the accusations started—claims of targeting and discrimination. And let me tell you, this person isn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, so it became pretty clear they were being coached on what to say and how to play the system.

The performance problems got so bad that we stripped them of nearly all job responsibilities, leaving them with menial busy work. To give you an idea, it’s like taking a chef off the line and telling them, “Just refill the condiments.” And guess what? They couldn’t even manage that. But with all the allegations hanging over our heads, I had to tread lightly.

Then, finally, an opportunity presented itself. We had a new position where they could be moved, with no loss in pay, benefits, or vacation time. The only catch was they’d go from hourly to salary. They verbally agreed—problem solved, right? Wrong. When it came time to sign the paperwork, they refused, and to top it off, filed more harassment complaints. Now we were stuck, frustrated, and watching morale plummet as this situation dragged on.

Here’s where the twist comes in. The employee made a major misstep. They took their complaints two levels up the chain, and in the process, dragged our HRM into the mess. HRM was not amused. It was clear that they were finally starting to see through the charade.

A meeting was called to address the concerns and discuss the role change. HRM absolutely lit up the problem employee, dismantling their lies without breaking a sweat. It was truly delightful to watch and I will admit that I was absolutely CACKLING inside watching the HRM destroy the problem employee up in the most professional way. Then, in a desperate attempt to turn the tide, the employee whined that they had never been given a PIP. HRM calmly explained that a PIP is usually the last resort before termination. But here’s the kicker—the employee demanded a PIP and agreed to the role change, clearly unaware that their coaching hadn’t covered this part of the script.

And just like that, after months of nonsense, the problem was no longer mine. Hallelujah!