I know it’s common for guys to not talk about what’s on the mind. Maybe it’s society or media or in our dna. But I swear I am incapable and it drives me mad.

Growing up I was everyone’s rock. My older brother was a basket case, parents were divorced, mom had host of mental and eventually medical issues and other crap. So I kinda just shut down and tried not to be an issue. Help where I could and did a lot of growing up early. This lead to doin the same in school for friends or group projects where the group didn’t wanna do shit. Eventually bled into work where I solved everyone else’s issues which got me promoted so I could solve more issues. Finally one day I looked back and I couldn’t help but notice I’m not sure I even know who I am or how I really feel anymore.

Now I’m just some guy who smiles and jokes a lot while solving issues pretending that I may not have all the answers but I will calmly solve the issue. Inside however I hear about ten different screams. When I try to say these things to others they all scream for me to shut up and nothing comes out of my mouth. People online always say “just say what’s wrong” but it’s like something strangles me when I try.