I have had this on and off for years. When I am doing well it is diminished, but when I am doing not so well, well, he appears. This is not a literal voice and it could be ADHD, but this train of thought kicks in kinda along the lines of people who casually think about how easy or hard it would be to rob a Brinks truck or start a darknet marketplace (I know the economics of neither make sense in 2024, but indulge me). I try to improve my life, and multiple aspects are kind of up in smoke (have a job, but stuck kind at entry level wages adjusted for inflation, love life might be better, weight is stubborn, but that is the least of my concerns).

To make matters worse (again those two things I mentioned above are not the join the circus type thoughts, but mere examples), an assistant DA in the town I grew up in said I looked like Ross Ulbricht (founder of the Silk Road) and my personality almost fit to the T (Ross was not the person, but going with the example of a thought, I am just using it as an example). This devil plays on my autism and ADHD. This is not to assign blame to anyone else except myself for my thoughts, but sometimes the economics of various thoughts make more sense. In my two examples one, the risk is not worth the reward, but in my actual thoughts (non examples), they kind of do and most of the thoughts are victimless, except for one or two, which I do feel like a dark person, despite being a happy go lucky nice/good guy (trying to move away from the nice guy stuff), but easier said than done. Along those same lines, some of the thoughts feel like I am pushing myself towards absolute selfishness in interpersonal relationships and having disdain for anything traditional. Sorry if I did not fully explain myself in this post, but I want to be careful not to say anything that is too over the top. Also I need to vent as certain things sometimes push my buttons more. Thanks.