I do not know the official name of the lymphoma I have. I found out around christmas and tbh I just checked out mentally. I have a really rare genetic autoimmune disorder since birth which has made things even more complicated. Anyway I know it's incurable, stage 3 lymphoma. Waiting for pet scan to see if it's in my organs but it's not in my bone marrow yet. It's suspected I've had this since I was 14 and I'm about to turn 32. It was very very hard to detect because my genetic condition has changed the structure of my lymph nodes so they've been very hard to decipher until I moved from MI to OK and got crazy sick.

Now I had my first infusion of I believe ritoxin, probably spelt wrong. Before i was told I had a 50% chance of having a bad reaction due to my other condition. And of course it was horrible. Before i even started I had a hive attack which is a symptom of my condition, random huge hive attacks and then i bruise all over and swell. Within 10/15 minutes of the infusion, I felt like I was going to vomit. Then i felt all over sick and dizzy. They stopped it for 30 minutes. Then right when they went to start it back up, I got intense chills. Had four heated blankets but it felt like I was like convulsing the shivers were so bad. It was even hard to breathe. All the nurses freaked out and surrounded me which freaked me out. My back hurt from it tensing up to shiver and no matter what I did it wouldn't stop. They gave me more benadryl and after a while I was able to just go home. They want me to come back next week to try again.

But today I wake up and I'm in intense pain. My face is swollen. My right eye is nearly swollen shut. It hurts to touch me all over. It hurts to breathe in. To move. To sit. To even wear my glasses on my face. My stomach feels like it's filled with glass. My theist hurts and I can feel my vocal chords strain while I try to talk. It just hurts to exist. And i feel like death.

I called the doctor's office and they told me to go to the er if I'm having trouble breathing because it could be a delayed reaction but I can breathe it just hurts to do so. Plus i can't drive there is no way. I love alone and don't know anyone in the area and I have a dog I can't just leave him.

Has anyone else felt something like this? Is there anything I can do to help? I called out today but I have to get into work tomorrow. My boss is a complete asshole and has already tried to take away my ability to work from home due to my condition and when he found out I had cancer he was an ass about it and tried to fire me. Thera a bunch of other stuff on top of it but I'm very very weary about missing work due to my illness because this prick has no sympathy and doesn't care. I've never ever had an employer be that blatantly morally empty to me. Hr is supporting me and I have a doctor's note. They required me to give them more information I've ever given an employer though which I do not think we ok either so I don't fully trust that it'll be ok. I moved here in October and that's when I started work so I don't have much time under my belt and I need this job.

So what can I do? Or am I just going to have to ride this out? Do you think it'll be like this every time I do an infusion? I have to do it every week for four weeks. I have no idea how I'm going to get through this if it's like this every time. My house is already in shambles from being sick earlier this week and now I can't do anything. Am I screwed?