I have been on this sub for more than a year. My ex bf was a PA. I could never figure out if he was actually clean from porn, because a lot of the behaviors continued.

I felt old, ugly, undesirable, unlovable. I felt like utter trash with this man. Constantly comparing myself to other women. Other women I knew he'd jerk off to. I wanted to die.

He left me before Christmas. I was so attached to him, and when he left I felt worse about myself. Why was I never good enough for this old man?

Well, recently I have been seeing some other people. Casually, because I was still getting over this heartbreak. I am careful now, and weed out any man that appears to have a porn issue. Like checking out other women in front of me. Most men I have been out with, have not done this. If they have tik-tok or watch reels, they are out too. Most men my age do not watch tik-tok and do not understand it, the ones that do are not normal. No 40 year old man needs to watch that stuff.

Anyway, I have been seeing a man who is about 30 years younger than my ex. We have only made out, but he gets so hard just by making out. He tells me I am beautiful. I am starting to believe him. My ex couldn't even get it up when it was time for sex, not normal. My ex could never tell me I was beautiful.

I am taking things slowly, because I am not sure about things still, but to know that I can turn on someone just by kissing makes me feel like a woman. I was always good enough!!! You are always good enough!!! Do not let their addiction take your self esteem and self worth. It is their brains, I know how much you love them. How you just want them to look at you like they look at other women. Just know it was never about you. You are beautiful and worthy.