Hi. I’ve been reading so many posts and it’s been great to know I’m not the only one who feels hurt by my H’s porn use. Long story short, one year ago caught my husband cheating. One month later he admitted to (some) of it, including his porn use. This disclosure was, of course, not at all a complete disclosure and really minimized his actions. We’ve been married 10 years. A few months after we got married I asked him if he was attracted to me, he said yes, that I was the only girl he was ever attracted to, I’m the only one he wants, blah blah blah. I accepted this part of him whole heartedly because I believed him.

It’s been 10 freaking years of him living a double life. One d-day happened, he stopped using individual porn, relapsing once that I know of, then stopping again. We had watched porn about 8-10 times together. It was really hard for me. Porn isn’t my thing, and it’s even harder when all he wants to watch is gay or mmf porn, because all I think about is him betraying me by doing those very things with other people. Anyways I’m digressing. This past July he hooked up with a guy again because of a “bad experience” with us watching porn together. He asked to watch, I said sure but that I didn’t feel well but I’d watch with him. This apparently really messed with him and he didn’t feel that I accepted his sexuality so he sought it from another man (which is what he feels is the reason for his cheating, a lack of self acceptance of his orientation.) This then sent him back into porn use because I made him move into our guest house for cheating on me again. He says he needs porn for his mental health. It helps him not feel suicidal. He needs it to help with his anxiety. He needs it to cope. So we’ve negotiated he can watch it in the shower in the mornings. But then he went away for a work conference and was watching porn for literally hours (like he would at night while living in the guest house). This was against what boundaries we had set, and he said he didn’t mean to push the boundaries he just thought that rule was for while he was at home. But I was very clear. I have expressed so many times about how it makes me feel, but he NEEDS it. Porn is apparently viewed differently in the lgbtqia community. Even in lists from thegaytherapycenter they say that watching porn is essential for accepting yourself. I’m just hoping for some insight from this sub about same sex attraction and porn. Thanks for reading all of this.