So I posted a couple days ago about my partner relapsing AGAIN. Ive had time to collect my thoughts and I have questions for anybody that might have answers.

These are just genuine thoughts Ive had since finding out.

1) Should I go through his phone? I initially found out and got upset but havent gone through it bc Im not sure if I can take it. Will I wish i had?

2) How do I shake the want for revenge? I dont cheat. Never have. Never will. But fuck, i just want to be flirted with or something..I feel guilty for even thinking about this.

3) How do i get past the disgust? He's making steps to recovery and Im happy for that but I have a hard time looking at him or sleeping next to him.

4) Should I sleep in our spare room or will that make things worse?

5) Am I wrong to worry that he will still masturbate sneakily (idk how else to put it) even without porn? Hes back at work todat and left his phone at home. They have an office phone so hes not completely out of touch. But Im worried he'll still masturbate in the bathroom or car or wherever tf.

6) Am I wrong to not want him changing our daughters diapers? He has NEVER done anything to make me think he would do anything to her but this situation has me spiraling and Im in Mama Bear mode.

7) Any forms of free therapy suggestions for me? I try journaling but my hand cant keep up with my brain. I cant afford an actual therapist. I also have bpd so thats fun.

I think thats all. I know some of these are absolutely insane but I have no one else to ask. Yalls comments truly supppeted me so much in the midst of everything so I thank yall so much.