hi, I F22 was in a 5 year relationship w my bf M22. 6 months into our relationship I found nudes from various women in his recently deleted. I was crushed, but I forgave and moved on. A year and a half later we moved in together due to unseen circumstances. It all happened so fast but i was ready to start our life together, and so we did. 6 months into us living together I had a gut feeling that he was doing something behind my back. I waited until he fell asleep and wrote down his phone password in my notes the day prior. When he was asleep i found so many nudes, videos, subreddits dedicated to nsfw content, random women that he would sext with on Snapchat and he also had 1 tab on his safari, Omegle, and on the tags he would use were like soft moan or like cam fun. I was crushed because he even had screen recordings of the occurrences that took place on that Omegle video chat. I didn’t even know a porn addiction would reach that extent. Quite frankly I didn’t know much about porn addiction itself, he opened up to me and admitted about how he itched to do that but he felt shitty after, he also said how it started at the age of 12. Although I didn’t know much I was understanding, I told him we’d get through it and that if we both put the effort in we’d be able to make it. As time went on and as time passed all he started doing was knowing how to hide it better. The last time I caught him sexting with another woman was in May of 2022. From then fast forward until now I thought he was doing better, I genuinely believed he was done, he got a promotion at work he finally got his license and I had even talked to him about how now that his heads in a better place & I suggested for him to go back to school since he was studying for computer science but dropped out. On May 7th of this year he gave me the cold shoulder and just wanted to argue with me for no apparent reason. He ignored me and gave me the silent treatment for 3 days straight until I confronted him and asked him what was wrong. I was being the adult I am trying to see what was the problem because my conscience was clean. One thing led to another and we came to conclusion that maybe a break would help us (we had a few rough patches this year but they didn’t mean much considering the kinds of issues we had in the past) he left back with his parents & I got a second job to help us financially because our goal was to get out own house or maybe rent an apartment and have a clean slate in something that would be our OWN. He left on Mother’s Day but we stayed in contact, I went to go visit him twice since his parents house bout 45 minutes away. Well, two weeks after he left he started acting different and distancing himself once again for no apparent reason. I did not resort with talking or trying to see whats wrong. I resorted to going through our message records since he was on my family plan. I found various numbers texting him, and they were several phone numbers that I did not recognize and it felt off to me considering he only had no more than 15 contacts saved in his phone. it was once specific phone number that was se. nding him pictures at 2 AM or 3 AM and he was replying minutes later. The thing is I wasn’t able to see pictures or the messages themselves. I was only able to see the number texting him, the time the message was sent, and if a picture was sent, it would just say image/video attachment. I immediately sent him the screenshot and told him what the fuck was going on. He did not know how to answer and he said it was some random number But that he blocked it, I knew he was lying so I resorted once again to following my gut so I texted the number and it turns out it was a 20 year-old female that he met on call of duty world chat, where he was looking for “females to help him cum” I was fucking devastated. The worst part of it all was that she was from Texas and we’re located in SoCal. I’m still trying to process everything. I’m trying to find out why did this happen to me because I was always understanding and I was always open and I was always ready to hear him out. if anything, I always encouraged him to come to me when he’s had the urges of doing things like that and to come talk to me and we would be able to distract ourselves with something else to get his mind off of it. I never judged him for it, and I never shamed him for it. I was always more than fucking understanding. What crushed me even more was that he had me under the false illusion that the break was going to do good. When I also told him about how I found out whose number that was he said that he had been doing that for the last two months that we lived together before he left. I am questioning my worth and I’m still wondering why he did all of this behind my back and kept me with false hopes by his side, and I will never comprehend why he decided to do all of this rather than to go physically cheat on me with another woman. I would’ve much rather known that he was with another woman instead of me finding out this way and letting his addiction ruin me as a person and ruin our relationship because someone that loves you will change and he never changed for the better of us. I’m still also don’t understand why he kept me around for so long knowing he was doing what he was doing to such a good person because I did not deserve any of this at all. I didn’t know where else to explain my situation, but I hope someone understands my situation because I know that I’m probably not the only one that has been through this. If you also took the time to read all of this me and my ex have been without contact for nine days now and I finally chose myself for the first time in five years because in the end you can’t help someone that does not want to be helped in the first place.

Thank you