I love her.

The way she talks. The way she brightens whatever room she’s in. How she makes me feel safe. Feelings of security and comfort run through my mind whenever I’m with her. With her, I feel as though I can take on the whole world. But that’s the problem.

I don’t know if I’m in love with her or the feelings she gives me.

Those feelings power me through the day. Before her, I felt overwhelmed by my loneliness. I never felt whole, like a puzzle missing half its pieces. With her, the picture of a happy life is complete. But I don’t think I ever loved her. I couldn’t even tell you what she likes to do when she’s not with me. She’s the one putting effort into our relationship, even though I don’t put much in. She deserves better. But I can’t let her go.

I don’t love her. I love the feelings she gives me.

Her presence fights the loneliness I feel. Her sleeping in the same bed as me keeps me sane most nights. Without the feelings she gives me, I’d be a broken mess. Am I just that pathetic? So pathetic that I string a girl along, so I don’t feel lonely?

I don’t care for her. I crave the feelings she gives me.

She deserves better, but I can’t let her go. She loves me, and I wish I loved her.