The latest girl I was talking to has a BF and, well that's exactly my luck. The vibes between us were pretty good, and I felt like I genuinely could have had a chance were that not the case. For the first time in years I genuinely thought things might work out. But it didn't and now I'm drowning in my feelings.

It's not so much about her specifically, tho I did actually really like her compared to some of my other recent crushes. It's about having faced more rejections than I can count, how, no matter how much I change or life changes, nothing does in my non-existent love life. I don't want to give up on love. I truly don't. But there's a part of me that is so desperately ready to. There's a part of me that just doesn't want to get hurt anymore. A part of me that wants to curl up into my social shell and never come out again. To put up walls that no one can ever knock down.