39F; 5’3” SW 250 CW 161.8. Almost 5 years of weight loss roller coaster. I’m just looking for some answers, maybe a little support. I’m short so I thought the petite subs would be good but it’s just a bunch of 19 year old trying to get from 115 to 110 lbs. it makes me feel so worthless to see how skinny everyone else is and I work hard with no results.

Last week I weighed in at 157. I am steadily gaining again up to 161.8 this morning and I feel like I’m really losing my sanity over inexplicable weight gain.

• I run 4 times a week for 3 miles. I actually run, no walking and do about a 10 min mile
• I do workout videos several times a week (just started Chloe Ting 2 week shred on top of running)
• my Apple Watch tells me my TDEE is anywhere from 2000-2500 calories. This is after wearing it everyday for a year and a half.
• my watch tells me I’m walking between 15-20,000 steps a day and I burn 600-1000 active calories a day
• I use Carb Manager to track my food and eat from 1200-1600 a day. Never over 1600, ever. I weigh everything and eat under 50 carbs a day
• I do 18:6 and sometimes 20:4 fasting
• since COVID I have not eaten restaurant or fast food in over 4 months
• I don’t have periods, so it’s not period water weight

I’m trying to lose at least 30 more lbs and I just cannot get there. I can’t even lose 1 lb without gaining it back. I feel like I’m in a loop and no one knows how sad and frustrated I am about this. I keep it all to myself. My husband already thinks I have an eating disorder. My therapist tells me I should focus on the positive but I weighed myself at 7:30 am and I’m still almost crying about it at 11 am at my desk. How am I supposed to focus on the positive when nothing is positive. I’m short and stubby and fat, and flabby and disgusting.