Hi guys! This will be long, sorry for rambling.

I was an overweight, shy and akward teenager that felt like she would never be attractive to someone else. I did not love myself, especially not my body.

Now, 10 years later, I have a body that I am pretty proud of. Over these years, I've lost some 40lbs, and toned up quite a bit (thanks to weightlifting). And yet, I am still not perfectly happy. I really leaned out last spring, because of a very sad breakup that left me without any appetite. My abs started showing, and I felt so small and skinny, like the tiny girl I always wanted to be when I was younger.

I couldn't maintain it. Live happened, and I guess I've gained around 3 to 5lbs back (I don't own a scale in the country I currently live for 6 months) The lower pics are showing how I look currently more or less (it was pre-breakup, but I feel this is what I look now, compared to the "better" physique I've had a few weeks back - the upper pics are from 2,3 years ago): http://imgur.com/a/ZS4u0UH

I am really trying to get back into a healthy routine to lose these pounds again, because I feel like I would look so much better. I would have my dream physique, and I would be so happy with my body (and surely with live in general).

Anyways... I started liking this guy, (we've met in this new country and have been hanging out for a few weeks now) and today I told him that I have a crush on him. He does not feel the same for me. But he was super nice about it, and told me that he would still love to hang out as friends, because he really enjoys my company.

Of course, I was sad. Rejection never feels nice, although he handled it with a lot of care and really let me down easily. I bought ice cream, chocolate, and all the other stuff I used as a teenager to numb my feelings. I thought "if I am gaining already, I might as well continue". I brought it home, but instead of digging in, I went to the gym. Then I came back, had an egg white omelete with turkey and cheese, and then some of the ice cream and chocolate. I did not stuff my face. I did not eat over my calorie goal. I am still on track. Yet I've cut myself some slack.

The rejection still stings a little. But it's ok. And my body has nothing to do with this. A smaller or lighter body will not make you attractive to anyone automatically. And while some parts of your life will experience some improvements due to your weightloss (for example making you confident enough to confess to your crush), it is not a tool to make everything perfect like a magic trick. You will still experience life's ups and downs, no matter your size. The key is to still treat yourself with love and kindness.

I'm almost happy that I've got rejected today. Because it taught me an important lesson. Your body is not everything about you. I finally learned that there is more to attraction than having a good physique. So I will still try to lose those last few lbs, but with a healthier and less stubborn mindset.

Tl;dr: got rejected today by a guy I really liked, the first time since I've become pretty fit. Losing weight will not solve your relationship problems. But it can make you confident to try new stuff and feel better about yourself, without the aproval of others.