Hello, first post here. I’m 35/F/5’5”/301lbs. I’ve been lurking this sub for a couple months now, being inspired & finding tips, tricks, and ideas for changing my life around.

I’m here because I need to make a sticky note in a very public place that knows what I’m going through. I’ve been the big kid my entire life. It’s what made me stand out, literally. I come from a big family of 20 grandkids on Mom’s side alone, so we get compared a lot to each other. As an adult I’ve finally, FINALLY, said to myself I don’t want this life anymore. I don’t NEED this life anymore.

It’s long, so the TL;DR is: sit down job, no lifestyle change= shitty diabetes diagnosis; shitty mental health is bipolar 2. Began to use planner to discipline life. A1C from 9.6>7.6 last appointment. Food tracking. Lost weight slowly from 315 to 301 as of today.

But for those who like details, here’s the long journey:

I was a teacher in Japan from 2012-2013, coming and weighing around 250, 270? I wasn’t weighing myself then but I had definitely lost weight. I came home and began a new job at a call center. From a highly active life in Japan (daily movement in 3 story schools and no elevators will get you to lose any weight pretty quickly!) to a sedentary lifestyle near home will add the pounds back quickly and with stealth. I didn’t know my weight when I came home, but I definitely saw and felt the changes the longer I kept my job. In Nov 2015, my PCP gave me a diagnosis of pre-diabetes when I weighed 315lbs but I didn’t heed her warnings, and within six months it became a full diagnosis of Type 2 Adult Onset Diabetes. Crushed, I began the full regime of meds to begin maintaining my blood sugars but I didn’t really change anything else about my lifestyle.

Through the following years, I was on and off my meds. I hate taking medicine and I was really bad at being consistent, hence the ping-pong effect. It took several things to make me look at my life differently. First, a really bad case of depression came up. Somehow I was able to still work but I was having way more anxiety than before at my call center job. I finally made the call and found a therapist in May 2018. In doing so, I was given a surprising diagnosis: Bipolar Disorder II. But it shed SO MUCH LIGHT. It explained why I had the highs of starting projects, work out/diet fads, but then depression would kick in, or I’d be mixed up, and then it’d fall to pieces and I’d give up in utter defeat. There was so much more it helped me understand about myself and my behaviors. Then in August 2018, my PCP said my A1C was at 9.6, the highest yet on my record. I KNEW it was time to change.

I began to re-use an old planner on 9/17/18, after using some older pages as journal entries expressing my frustrations about my life. It was just little things- work schedule, days I called out on FMLA due to my MH. I began to track little circles of water intake (Filled circle = 2 C of H2O). I modified my trackings as the weeks went by, adding in a check mark that I ate 3 meals, to listing the actual food. Noting my sleep quality to my moods and writing down if I had take my meds for the day. Basically, re-learning how to have DISCIPLINE and having am accountability partner. Sure, there are APPS but I had to also break away from my phone. It makes me pause and be more mindful of the choices I’m making. OH, and I’m now on a mood stabilizer which helps me stay the course. Because of my due diligence, on 11/15/18 my A1C dropped back down to 7.6 and I weighed in at 304lbs. I’d been TRYING to lose weight before but my body didn’t change. When I wasn’t trying, my body gave way to giving me rewards for my discipline.

It is SO exciting to be in this subreddit to be inspired. My goals are to get off my meds. Find movement that brings joy to my life. And while a target weight# is nice, I’m on the bulky side. It’ll just be amazing to not have to ask for a seat belt extender on the airplane or to sit comfortably in old theatre seats next to my partner. It’s the little things I’m looking forward to, and it starts with these little changes too.

Beginning in my new dedicated health Hobonichi Weeks, I’ve begun food tracking (I’m not the best at calorie counting) and this week developed a color guide for foods made at home, prepare/frozen meals, takeout/restaurant, and misc food that doesn’t quite fit into any of the three categories. I also differentiate between water, tea (I drink a lot of tea), and ANYTHING ELSE. This includes soda, bubble tea, milkshakes, etc. This last Friday, for example, was a high sugar drink day so it totally made sense why my blood sugar count was so high the next morning. So I’m not down or depressed about those numbers fluctuating anymore. I see my intake. I observe my feelings. I OWN IT and make the conscious choice of “do I want to consume this? Or am I ok with holding off?” I weigh myself once a week because I forget to do it daily. And I’m inspired here to keep going and finding other little things to keep on changing my heath around.

If anyone else has been on any of these boats, I’d love to hear your ideas and exchange knowledge. Thank you again SO MUCH. I want to look forward to life and change for the better!