Hi there. 29/f here.

Once upon a time, I weighed 205 lbs, and now I'm clocking in around 132. My highest weight was almost eight years ago, and I've probably lost 50 in the last year. I definitely look much better in clothes, but it's something I haven't adjusted to. My stomach is my weakest link. It still looks so...squishy. It's hard to tell if there is loose skin or a complete lack of muscle tone (probably both) around my middle. On the average day, it's something I'm self-conscious about, but I'm the only one who sees it, and so I don't spend THAT much time thinking about it.

I've dated and had a few casual hookups over the last few years (and sex mostly happened in some stage of tipsy) but now I'm seeing someone new. We haven't had sex yet (we have been sabotaged by schedules and a my period) and he's seen me shirtless, but not naked. I've seen him naked, though.

Anyway, I don't know if I can do this.

My boobs are smaller and my stomach is just...ugly, to be honest. I feel like women who are bigger than me and smaller than me just look hotter, and I'm...so awkward looking. I don't know how I'm supposed to be naked and in the various unflattering positions sex requires with his stupid fucking abs and sexy arms and all of that.

To make matters worse, he hasn't actually explicitly said he's attracted to me, so I keep spiraling, thinking 1) he's not, and if he has even a smidge of it, 2) that's gonna vanish while I'm at my most vulnerable. I know I could ask him if he is, but either he'd say no or he'd say yes, and it wouldn't feel genuine because I asked.

I'm just bummed. We've been having some very NSFW texts all week, and I know that I don't have to do anything I don't want to (and he would be so sweet, albeit confused if I suddenly got a little more PG-13) but it's more that I'm just at an impasse. I can definitely stand to lose more weight, and I hopefully will. But I'm starting to feel like the body I would need to feel truly comfortable is just not possible, especially with the lose skin and stretch marks. And it's definitely not going to happen in the next 24 hours 😂

This rambling is so dumb and is probably not even in the didn't place, but I didn't know where else to go. I should feel so fortunate that I've made it this far and changed my life, but damn I feel like shit. Someone slap me.