This post is about getting off track with my weight loss due to a relapse in my mental health.

At the end of January, I was eating 1500 - 1700 calories a day and had been doing so for a little over three months. I had gone from 237 to 206, a loss of 31 pounds. I was feeling good about my pace of weight loss, which was 2 - 2.5 pounds the first week or two and settled down to 1 - 1.5 pounds per week on average. My goal weight is 180. I knew I was on my way and would reach my goal soon.

At the end of January, I also had a severe relapse of my anxiety disorder and fell into a state of painful, unbearable, terrifying anxiety every single day for weeks and weeks. It was like having a panic attack every minute of the day. I could hardly function. I could also hardly eat, was still counting calories, and my weight went down in February and March. On April 2nd, I was 195 pounds, my lowest recorded weight in this journey yet.

My anxiety began to shift toward a depression in early April, because it was around that time I decided to order take out food one night and from that night on, I ordered unhealthy high caloric take out food for dinner every night. I wouldn't eat at all during the day because I was used to intermittent fasting and would eat one big take out meal every night: a full pizza, a giant burrito with chips and guac, a big sub sandwich with different kinds of chips, big orders of Chinese food. I would also go to the corner store and get sweets to go with the meal like muffins and chocolate bars and pop tarts. I was taking in a large amount of calories but always in one daily meal. I was depressed and using food to sooth myself emotionally without caring about the weight gain.

Well, now something inside of me has shifted and I care about my weight loss again. On April 2nd, I weighed 195 pounds. (I had lost 42 pounds!) It's now May 10th, and I weigh 218 pounds. This means I have gained 23 pounds over the course of a month. Today, I bought all of my low caloric foods again and am going to start back on 1500 - 1700 calories per day.

I guess I am wondering if anyone has been in this situation before - of having a large weight gain in a short period of time and whether it came off quicker because it was gained quicker? The idea that I could do so much damage in one month is really upsetting. Is there anything I can be doing to flush out excess water weight and whatever else has built up in my system? I am crossing my fingers that I will have a big drop in my weight at first because maybe I am holding onto a lot of water and salt.

This post also goes out to those who are suffering from mental health issues and trying to lose weight. I know how hard it is and have just gone through it. If it weren't for this extreme bout of anxiety and depression, I would probably be rather close to my goal of 180 right now. Instead, I have gained 23 pounds. There is a feeling of failure and shame and exhaustion, even though I know it's not really my fault. 23 pounds to get back to 195. Here we go...

TL;DR I gained 23 pounds in a month due to overeating due to depression, don't know if it will come off quicker since I gained it so quickly, and generally looking for advice.