[TALES FROM THE CRYPT THEME PLAYING]

Crypt Keeper: HELLO MY BOILS AND GHOULETTES!!! Didn’t see you come in, oh don’t mind me, just sprucing up the place for Halloween, [AX being brought down]. Tonight’s feature is a tale of two hideous deformed freaks in search of their special lady to bury their bones in, but will the boys be chewing off more than they can handle, let’s find out.

This pair of deformed freaks enjoy the pleasures of life such as eating from the dumpster of the finest restaurants and swimming in the sewage of the L.A river. Both are in their mid 30s? And even thou they enjoy eating bugs and weird vermin they still are drug and disease free. Of course eating out of the dumpsters causes some weight gain so they aren’t as fit as their friend the Toxic Avenger but more dad bods. Of course also swimming in the L.A river has caused one to be shorter at 5’5 and the other one to be taller at 6’1.

The perfect Hollywood Nympho would have chainsaws for arms and teeth as sharp as JAWS. Ages 18 and above, these ghouls don’t discriminate on age. Race, ethnicity, and living status is open but hopefully you’re fully living. You married? Have a boyfriend? No issue, we can eat him and solve that problem, ok ok, maybe too far but we can keep a secret. Chainsaw nymphos come in all shapes and sizes so we are pretty open to most, so shoot your shot. Please be drug and disease free but we are cool if you smoke the gate way drug known as marijuana.

Location location location…. Where can two deformed freaks and a chainsaw nympho go? Well!!! Why not behind a dumpster or a dark alley. Hmm ok ok, not the first time, guess we can settle for a hotel room, you know too create a neutral location. Of course you’ll want to make sure we legit so we can meet up at the local watering hole to check each out out on the outside before we go into each other.

Crept Keeper: Well I don’t know how to put that but that was a wonderfully thought provoking ad of two freaks looking for their special someone. Now if you don’t mind me, I need to go put these syringes into some candies and finish up skinning the living room decorations. Till next time boils and Ghoulettes.