I'm stuck in a cycle of being discontent with my life, then depressed, then feelings of guilt for feeling that way, then anger......and it goes on. Sometimes I am able to ignore my inner issues to be happy for a while and it's nice but then the cycle always picks back up again.

Long story short I'm with my children's dad because of the kids. He makes it possible for me to stay home wi6h them rather than working a full time job to pay for day care. He has cheated multiple times in the past and I can't get around it. His favorite time to find new flings is when I'm pregnant it seems. I've stepped out before too when I first found out because I was hurt and angry. He stepped out when I thought things were good between us because he wanted to.

Anyway I can't get passed it. I have no intention of leaving at the moment and I don't need people to tell me I should. I already know that.

I just hate that this is what takes away any happiness I find. There are tons of people who live in way worse situations than I have gotten myself into and I can't help but compare their hurts to mine and find that I'm being a weenie but it still hurts and it's still lonely.

I just never thought I'd end up bitter and jaded.