Sorry for the sucky title, I don't know what to name this. Maybe it should have been vent or something, idk. I... being lonely is new for me. Relatively at least. My best friend was murdered earlier this year and it... its hurt every single day since. I almost drank myself to death just to stop feeling lonely. I had my girlfriend, of course, and she was as supportive as she could be and she still does her utmost to be supportive now. It just isnt enough and I can't tell her. I talked to David every single day, all day long through text, to the point we both almost lost our jobs because of it. And now... its gone. Only one thing got close enough to even making up for what I lost, a woman I will call Dreka, simply because I don't want to give her real name on here. My girlfriend and I are poly, she has a girlfriend but I never did anything with it. I had David to fill any part of my life my gf didn't, which was just the constant presence. But Dreka came into my life in Feburary, before David died but she was just a coworker then. Worked with her for a day before I got moved to a different school in the same system. She was a manager at different school than the one I worked at but she needed help that day we met and I volunteered. I didn't see her for a long time and in that time i lost David. Then in June was sent Dreka's school to learn how to be a supervisor as that was the job I was going to take on once the 22-23 school year started. Over June I fell in love with her and in July I told her. She was receptive and in the time since our relationship has grown. My gf is completely fine with this and has even pushed me to ask Dreka to be my gf as well. I haven't yet but thats neither here nor there. Dreka has... she became what I needed in my life again. We talk almost everyday, but there are times where I don't hear from her. And I understand, she is an adult woman with a child and a full time job, I can not and will not believe that I take up as much of her mind as she and my gf do of mine. And it... kills me to understand because I don't know how to be alone. No one talks to me the way David did, no one texts me every day, multiple times an hour, building a world that only means something to us. I don't have the strength to be alone. I work out so i don't think, i still drink so i don't think. I cant stand being alone like this. Its killing me. I love my gf and I love Dreka, they are both amazing women that I couldnt see my life without now that they are a part of it, but I cant stand the loneliness.