I tried my best to makes friends and just be someone in my life but now after things got rough for me mentally my friends diappeared so i figured if i intereacted with people on tik tok i could make friends again and be liked by others but they fell into their groups and became friends with others which is understandable since i dont have live access. But i think wat is really disturbing me the most about the situation is i thought they were actually my friends but in reality i was just another viewer. At that moment i felt like giving up cuz im not doing any good for anyone and neither myself either. I going into a mental state now where im getting desperate not to be alone but even when i am not alone i still feel it because my needs have never been met emotionally not by anyone i have known. I would always be tricked into getting comfortable or thinking that everything will be okay only for it to not to and they just decided to leave me hanging and leave and at times i feel like i really deserved it. I feel like i do. And i hate it. I feel like nonbody cares about me or cares about my feelings and unless im bleeding im fine but im not. Im truly not. Im struggling so bad and no one is there.

I see couples and best friends on social media and tik tok going to eachother when they are upset and in need of comforter and immediatly after i cry myself to sleep because thats all i have to comfort me. And i have to make up senerios in my head pretending a clown or something is there to comfort me but even those daydreams can make my feelings worse because ik its not real.

I wish i had friends like the people online do I wish the frisnds i thought were my friends didnt leave and forget me I wish i wasnt so fucking traumatized and broken

And all that talk of reaching out and getting help is bullshit cuz i tried and i was either declined or it wasnt deemed serious enough or ignored

Nobody cares they just fucking dont

I hate it here i just want out of this pain. It hurts so fucking bad and it breaks my heart i cant take it😢😥😥😥😰😥😫