M(22) I've always struggled with personal connection, and social anxiety and depression have been a part of my life as long as I remember. I would go through spells where I had very few friends, was single, and had no support system, and those times were hell... But I should be very happy right now.

I have a partner of almost 3 years, and they are my rock and the most important person in my life. I have a family who are the majority extremely supportive following a recent trip to the hospital, and I'm going to my dream school and I am a recognizable face around the school... Yet here I am, high as fuck in my dorm, all alone. Ive been in this situation so often recently, having nobody around and resorting to alcohol or drugs just to feel something, yet I have so many people I could talk to or be around... But they never ask to... Yes, I see my partner frequently enough, but everyone else at my school, people who have told me to my face they consider me a very good friend and like being around me, never invite me to hang out. I would ask, but that feels desperate, and I would offer to host but my housemates are slobs and would rat us out for any rule-breaking which is just a pain in the ass to deal with. The few times I've been invited to hang out were so fun and I want to have friends and be sociable, but it feels like even though I'm surrounded by amazing and kind people who say they care, they don't care enough to want to see me when they aren't incidentally seeing me (class, clubs, etc.)

This is mostly a vent I guess, I've never posted here before, but I just wanted to see if anyone else out there feels like this because this is one of the shittiest feelings ive ever had. It makes me worried this is just what connection is in an adult world I'm now finding myself in.