I wish someone would care about me and listen to me with zero judgement. I wish someone were there for me to take care of me and support me through everything without me being a burden. And I wish I had someone to experience life with and make good memories with.

I have zero friends currently and honestly I don't think I've ever had a genuine friendship. I've never been one to express my feelings easily and open up including to my family and my family are probably the most emotionally unavailable people you'll ever meet. I've gone to them for help and it's concern for a day or two and then immediately brushed off. I get anxious I struggle socially but when I know it's bad I try and get help as best as I can. But no one understands me and no one takes the initiative to try to understand me either.

I'm not exactly posting this to find someone or even have a conversion because again I struggle socially it's so hard to hold a conversion I always feel like I'm saying something wrong. I kinda just want to put this out there into the world where someone could possibly see just so I have some sort of presence in the world. I don't have hobbies, all my classes are online (doing horribly in them) so I don't have situations where I'm forced to be out there socially and it's been ruining me mentally for years now. I want so badly to make friends even just in online spaces but I put too many rules on myself like I'm too depressed, im too awkward, how can I converse w them what if we aren't alike enough....

I don't see the point of life if I'm unable to connect with a single person so this is why I wish someone would just come in and save me without any efforts on my side.