I have two friends IRL and a few online acquaintances. I'm always the one that asks to call, or starts messaging first. They're never rude to me and if people take longer to respond I understand, because there have been times in my life I've been busy or just can't be asked to text. It still hurts, I'm frustrated that I even feel upset about this. For the longest time, I tried to convince myself that I didn't need people. But ultimately I do I'm very lonely. Hopefully, when I start university in September I'll have somewhat of social life.

It's just at 19 I never thought my life would be this pathetic. I've tried getting a part-time job but after the interview stage (if I'm lucky enough to get one), I never hear the from the company again. I understand it's my fault I probably come across as too shy in the interview. I should try to be busy/ distract myself though out the day. But hobbies come and go. I still hold somewhat hope that my future will be more fulfilling.