Why do people think it's easy for women? I'm bpd, severely depressed, narcissistic while at the same time have the lowest self esteem ever. I can get my foot through the door but once guys know my life story they use me for their pleasure then abandon me. What hurts even more is I explain this to other people and they think the men are wrong for how they treat me, but I'm partially to blame because I eat up every word they say. I'm sorry I take people at face value for what they say.

These past few months have been God damn awful, and I've never felt so lonely. All I want is someone equally into nihilism, loves to cuddle and equally please me instead of using me as their sex toy. But I doubt I'll ever find that. I'm not getting any younger and I've been so depressed that I basically let myself go.

I wish I knew what happiness was. It'd be so amazing to have someone just want me for me and love me for all my flaws and all.