Honestly the only time i dont feel utterly and completely alone anymore is when i catch a lucky dream where a girl actually wants to speak to me and chill and be silly n fun together. Its the only time in my life anymore i feel wanted and not invisible. Then i wake up and realize it wasnt even real.. It was all just my brain giving itself what it wants and needs unconsciously through a dream. The only way i can get it. Because my actual conscious life is completely void of love and companionship anymore. I wish i could just sleep forever sometimes. I feel myself just slipping further away. I honestly never felt so alone in my life. These days the nightmare is the reality i wake up too. Not a bad dream. I hate feeling this way. But i cant deny the truth anymore. Im a decent looking guy, smart and kind. But i feel like my anxiety is the biggest ball and chain that prevents me from anything and everything. Especially if it involves other people. My mind is a prison i cant escape anymore. My conscious is the only person i have to talk to anymore. I feel like this may be the point some people start going off the deep end... Its hard to stay positive anymore.. Welp. Time to smoke a bowl and stare at the completely unenjoyable tv in utter loneliness for 12 hours till i can hopefully sleep again.. Hope everyone is faring better than me tonight.