I'm feeling like shit more often and I feel myself going into a darker place each time. Social media is so hard to scroll through, I see so many creatives post their art form and people will actually interact with it, or if they ask their followers to do something people are actually invested. That legitimately baffles me. Seeing this everyday when I'd get lucky to even get anything just hurts. I know that I can't just find new friends, not only because of the virus but I also can't make new friends from scratch in general either. I hate this so much, I hate getting reminded everyday that if I reach out that I'll be ignored. It makes it harder when all my interactions I have with other people involves me getting super excited and happy to talk to said person. It gets so goddamn lonely. I'd go through different phases of reaching out to people, because I know nobody will do the same for me and if I didn't I would likely not be alive right now to type this.

One of the worst aspects are dating apps, my girlfriend and I recently broke up which fucking sucked especially because it was after the quarantine was set in place so I've been trying to put myself out there to distract myself. I'd consider myself a fairly average guy, and when I posted on the am I ugly subreddit I was told I was attractive but the dating app experience is so garbage.

Just getting bombarded with attractive people on Snapchat, twitter, Instagram, and dating apps makes me honestly believe I'll never find anything substantive in my life and I'm just supposed to live like this forever. At least when the virus wasn't around I could go get drunk or get high with coworkers, or other people.

Now I'm just fucking miserable. I can't talk to anyone about this either because that turns even more people off.