I posted last night and someone talked with me through the night. I thought I’d be ok so I told them bye. Well, I ended up bawling myself to sleep because all the feelings came back and then some. I even decided to beat on myself for how stupid I am.

And this morning? They deleted their account so it’s not like I can even go back to talking with them. It’s made the loneliness sink in even more. Fuck dude. I can only take so much. My heart feels like it’s going to explode. I feel like I’m going to burst again at any moment. And apparently the best I can get is a one-time band aid.

I have issues, I will make that clear. So much self hatred. But I know no one wants to hear it. No one wants to hear from men about their struggles. We are suppose to be strong. Suppose to never show weakness.

It feels like it’s coming to a head with me. A breaking point. I don’t know what to do. I know I need therapy, but my job doesn’t exactly give me the luxury of going every week to get help. So I’m left here to wallow in my self hatred, self pity, and try and somehow get over this myself.

But I don’t know I ever will.