Is the fact that time and time again I have thrown away both friends and lovers because I was upset

Each and every time I always came to regret it and beg to have those people back in my life

I have never had it on the same level as with her though, I have never regretted this act more than when I told J she was right

All I ever wanted was to be loved and then she came along, and I couldn't hold my own baggage while agreeing to hold hers

In my adult life I have never met someone who was so genuine and who is worthy of my best and my love

I should have held my tongue, I should have just listened to her and I should never have let my frustration get the best of me

I never wanted to leave her or give up on her, I never even intended that to happen and in the end I let my emotions get the best of me

I just wish I could make things right with J, I wish I could have another chance with her and to keep my word to her

I miss her deeply and I feel so lonely without her even though I have friends

2024 has just been a year of loneliness and regret for me, especially after realizing J was genuine

I shouldn't have tried getting her attention in 2023, I should have thought about what I was putting in my posts at the time

If I had themn maybe I'd be on talking terms with her

The only wish I will ever truly have is to reunite and start over with J

What makes me feel the Loneliest is my regret for having had someone genuine just to end up giving up and eventually giving my worst.