I'm just rambling because I don't really have anyone else to express myself to. As I sit here reflecting on the past year, I realize how lonely I truly am. I thought I had my lifetime built-in best friend and lover. But here I am, 2.5 years into my healing journey from a long term traumatic relationship. I feel numb and dissociated from myself and everyone, to the point where I've pushed everyone away. I try not to go more than a week or so without talking to select friends/family. I'm definitely not ready to put myself back out there and date again, but also don't have the patience for a situationship. The person that I thought was my happily ever after, ended up being the most painful and heartbreaking experience. I don't know how to heal from that. The few friends I have are in healthy and happy relationships, so don't want to bring them down with my sadness. And the other people I would talk to, don't understand and/or haven't supported my 12 year saga, so I don't open up about that part of my life. Most people only see the happy, positive me... the only side I let them to see. They don't see the part where I am in a debilitating freeze state and don't/can't leave the house for a week or more. Where does life go from here?! I guess it can only go up. Here's to a better and brighter 2025!