I’m tired of being alone. At all events, all the time. It’s one thing for everyone to go on dates and have boyfriends, and get engaged and married in your 20s. There are a few single people and it can be said that your time will come.

But late 30s with no prospects, never really dated anyone or had anyone interested in you. Now I’m just an eternal 3rd wheel. It’s been decades and I’m tired.

I lived a purposeful life alone. I lived alone. Went out after work, took interesting classes, went to events I enjoyed. Travelled and took selfie’s around the world. Hundreds of picture at arms length with my face and a little background, or a mirror selfie to show the events of the last 20 or so years… or a shaky pic from a stranger.

I’m so tired…. And I don’t know what to do. Every minute seems so important as I drift further away from being 20. Thinking the men would appreciate what I have to offer with time, only to find men my age want women a decade younger of fresh from high school or college.

I wanted someone to grow with, experience life with…. But it’s almost over, at least halfway, and I have nothing.

I left the party early. I tried to smile. I went to the bathroom to practice, but there were tears in my eyes. So happy for people who get to experience someone caring about them. Then so sad for me.