A mix of Shark, Tiger and Wolf

A lonely and unique Hunter

A monster in the eyes of many

Whether it's the Snowy Tundras, Woods and Forests, the Jungle or the Ocean's Coasts and Depths you can find me land or sea

Some find me captivating and unique

Most just see me as a mere beast

Others try to make me their profitable circus freak

Yet all of them see the worst side of me eventually, the animal side, defensive and untamed

I am a monster for I have hurt many, unable to distinguish them from those who preyed on me

I am both the victim and the villain of my life, my lost loves and each story I tell

Though in the tales of the love I have lost I am definitely the most tragic of villains

Wearing a mask to appear human because I had become the things people would treat me as in the past

Putting on a show to entertain and hold interest as well as to draw attention to myself and evoke pity

Begging to be loved, begging to be cared for and understand just to not reciprocate it and push or chase those good hearted souls away for trying to help me or give me a chance

Wanting to trust and to be vulnerable and yet never really giving others a real chance

Luring others into the depths when I should be meeting them on the shore and wading in the shallows with them

I was always different and I was mistreated for it both by family and by peers earlier in my life, especially school

As such I never learned to properly socialize at a young age and coupled with a learning disability and being on the special needs spectrum I was unfortunately unable to properly develop in certain key skills that could have benefit me

Due to laziness, arrogance and lack of self esteem and confidence I had also declined many opportunities as well

I never really had many true friends growing up and though I have one, I still didn't have anything consistent throughout my school years

I had been roped into the wrong crowds, I had trusted bad people and I had been hurt and used by many both throughout my school years and after

All because I was desperate for friends and love, and to this day I still crave romantic love

Even though my disability, my upbringing and lack of proper socialization all contribute to my losses I am still at fault for hurting those who cared, for tossing them aside and not genuinely giving them a chance

I am a monster, however I am exhausted and all I want is to be loved and accepted

That's all I ever wanted, and only one person would have been able to give me that

It's my fault she's not in my life and she wants nothing to do with me though

It's my fault that I ended up losing the only romantic love who would have accepted me

And I have to live with the consequences of my actions and though I know my issues I still end up in the same loop

No matter who I end up with though, I still love her, and deep inside I still wish it was her

I destroyed that bridge though, just like I did many others

I keep making others pay for the sins of those who hurt me meanwhile I keep punishing myself for sins I keep committing

I used to have a strong sense of empathy and that's something that got taken from me as well

I have been unable to escape this cycle and in turn I have become a twisted and decadent creature that plants the seeds and kills the flowers before they even have a chance to bud

Pain, loneliness and apathy are all I know now and no matter my background it's still my fault that I am where I am now and I have to live with the decisions I have made.