Those 3 things keep me perpetually numb

Obsession with and love for someone I gave up

Pain from the years of back and forth being both villain and victim

Loneliness from the lack of love in my life (and don't even start with therapy or self love, neither worked for me)

I have spiraled into the deepest depths of the abyss, I am lost, I am cold, I am numb, I am still bleeding and my sanity has deteriorated

It's funny how bad my life became when I made that one stupid, immature and impulsive decision

I just can't let this go, I won't let this go

I feel more hollow and empty than ever before and I am also exhausted from rehashing my story, my pains, my regrets and what I have lost

I feel like I don't even have a heart anymore and I feel like everything inside is in shreds and tatters

All I wanted back then was to be loved by someone who would understand me and be possessive over me

Now I sit here and beg and scream for another chance that I don't deserve and will never get

I ruined myself and I ruined the best love I ever had with the best woman I could ever have asked for because I trusted too many bad and undeserving people before she came along

I'm tired of fighting, tired of being unloved, tired of constantly giving up, tired of the pain and loneliness and I am exhausted from everything else

The void doesn't hear me, she doesn't hear or see me, and I just want my peace and my love back

I feel hopeless, like I am doomed to always be stuck calling out to her through the void and begging my fellow lonely people for attention

I'm pathetic, broken, ruined and corrupted by pain and misery and I only have myself to blame for getting to this point.