Is the day that my life spiraled downward

The day I gave up on you, on us...

Is the day where my life took a turn for the worse and I became perpetually lonely

You were the person I needed and deserved, yet I allowed myself to be someone you didn't deserve

You were the person who really saw me, cared about me, saw the best in me and genuinely wanted me despite also seeing the worst in me as well

I have no excuses for myself, I have no excuse for every single last bit of pain, sadness and negativity I brought you

I have no excuses for the damage I have done

There is no justifying how I was

I should have listened to you, I should have done better to control my mind and my emotions

Not only could I have had a future with you, but I could have avoided many more painful experiences

I could have been spared further betrayals both from myself and from others

Hurt people hurt people and I know that I have hurt many people because of the pain I've been in

I have tried to move on, I have tried to get over you and yet my heart remains attached and tied to you

I really keep hoping that the dreams of us coming back together and staying together come true

I know I should have stayed with you when I had the chance

I know I should have accepted your offer to start over and work our way up properly together back then

Giving up on you and rejecting your offer are the biggest regrets and mistakes I have made in my life

If I wasn't so selfish and if I had simply listened to you, slowed down and thought about it I could have realized that was my chance to show you that you really meant a lot to me and I really did want you

I do still believe we can have a future together though

I do still have those feelings for you

I do desire to start over with you

I do want to make amends and make things right

I do wish to give you what I said I would back then

I do wish to show you that you mean a lot to me

And I do regret and apologize for all the pain and trouble I have put you through

You went out of your way for me

You showed me you cared

You showed me you meant no harm

You were real and upfront with me

You tried to give me a real chance

You tried to give me comfort and care

And you tried to be patient with me

I have nobody to blame but myself, not my past and not my mental disability for the way things ended

If I could have another chance with you though I would take the time to show you instead of telling you that I really love you and I really want you

And just in case you see this and you still don't know if it's me here's something to help you...

You took me to an RR Subreddit after I gave you up

From - Nugget 💜

P.S.

Note to everyone else here who's lonely and who has regrets, don't be like I was if you want to be happy instead of lonely.