So, idk how long everyone’s attention span is so I’ll do my best to sum this up. I just got out of a 4 year relationship with someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. My anxiety and depression have come back into full affect. I didn’t eat more than a few bites out of necessity for a week. I freeze up and just tear up and my heart pounds out of my chest when I think about her. Nothing stops the thoughts, thus nothing stops the pain. Dreams are the same. We’re together and holding one another, apologizing, but waking up to the nightmare of reality. I know what I did wrong and I know what I need to do, which is change myself. I’ve already started taking the necessary steps to better myself because I know I was neglectful at times and didn’t communicate properly and even went days sometimes without telling her how much I loved her and how special she was to me or even giving her a hug or a kiss. I got wrapped up in my own shit and then let my traumas take over and shut down. I know if I’d opened up she’d have been there fully accepting. We’re taking time apart but there’s no real assurance that she’s ever coming back, other than small things that were said like, “if you lose your job and home I definitely won’t come back,” but then in the same breath is saying things like “I’m not gonna ready for a relationship again for a year” and “we need to minimize contact for a while,while we work on ourselves.” Am I holding onto something for nothing? Am I going to lose the one person I’ve ever loved more than anything in this world? I could use a woman’s perspective and advice at a time like this. She’s all I can imagine being with and everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner and I want to be the best me I can be for her no matter what. Do I keep fighting and give her, her space or do I just take the pain and move on? She accepted my apology and cried with me while I confessed every flaw I could think of and promised to be the person she deserves, but she still said she needed time to work on herself and not speak for a while, because there’s too much pain. Did I lose her? Desperate for perspectives and peace of mind. Thank you in advance.