If you see this and read it you will know who I am, I just hope you know that I don't want any trouble or to cause you any more stress than I have already done

I would just like to apologize to you properly and I hope you are willing to hear me out if you are here...

I don't know how long it's been since we first met on here, 4 maybe 5 years?

You are someone who has truly captivated me from the day you messaged me, you were the only person I have ever fallen for who saw everything I hid behind my mask and still wanted to be with and didn't threaten to leave me.

You genuinely cared about me from the start and I know now that you were never going to hurt me or stab me in the back, I know now that your feelings and interest in me were genuine.

You are the only person I developed feelings for who didn't ask me to change who I am.

You tried to give me another chance, you offered to start over with me and I turned you down because I didn't realize that accepting your offer would have gone a long way to show you that I really did mean it when I said you were enough for me and ideal for me.

Turning you down has been my biggest regret in life and my mental and emotional health took a turn for the worse when I did that.

You're right, I should have valued you and showed you that I really cared when I had the chance instead of being selfish and self destructive.

I can't blame you for moving on and for rejecting me the first time I tried coming back to you, I still didn't really understand you and I hadn't really taken the time to process or understand anything either.

Then I tried again last year, that time in a manic state and twisting your words to suit my narrative while I projected myself onto you.

On top of that I gave out way too much information and violated your personal privacy as a result, and I am really, truly sorry I did that.

I am sorry for all the stress I have caused you and the damages I have done, I am sorry for not giving you the care and understanding you deserved and for being selfish and not valuing you as I should have.

I understand why you don't want anything to do with me and if that is still the case I accept that, I will accept that I cannot redeem myself in your eyes if that is the case.

I just want you to know that I never wanted to and never meant to turn you down the way I did, I never intended to give up on you, on us and it was my own lack of self control and my impulsiveness that led me to decide you were right in saying that I wasn't going to stay with you.

To add to that I still have feelings for you and I have had them throughout all this time, you mean more to me than anyone ever has and you have left a mark on me that no other has or will.

I know that I am solely responsible for everything and for making my own fears and insecurities come true and I accept that.

So if you really want me to move on I will, I will respect you.

I only ask you to hear me out.

If you see this message and read it all the way through I would like to reconnect with you if you see fit whether it is as friends or an attempt to rekindle what we tried to have.

I will not press you, at the very least I just wanted to admit my wrongs and properly apologize.

My life has been lonelier ever since we parted and losing you put the biggest hole in my chest that I ever had, and I take responsibility for that being my fault.

From- A Former Hex