I've been awkward and shy all my life but COVID hitting snack in the middle of high school kinda put the final nail in the coffin. what little friends I had left are all getting real lives and doing their own thing. out of my group of ~15 fairly close friends, there is literally one person who talks consistently. I was thinking about it and I realized that I have no idea how to make friends, even the ones I'd gathered just kinda came along as friends of friends, I don't think I've actually started a friendship since literally early middle school. COVID put me in an awful depression that took almost 3 years to get out of, to the point where I stopped going to school even after everyone went back after lockdown. now I'm a high school dropout without even a GED but I can't focus enough to get through it. I'm 20, roughly quarter of the way through my life and I have 1 friend. when he eventually moves on and I have nowhere to start, what am I gonna do? I'm already lonely enough as is and I don't know what to do. everyone at work rarely talks to me, just to ask about work stuff, probably because of how quiet and sad I seem, and I don't think I can handle going another 5 years like this, let alone 60. it also doesn't help that I've had a nickname since elementary school that is prominent enough in usernames and my whole online persona that I think half the people that follow me on IG from friends of friends don't even know my real name. it's just fucking sad, I'm 20 years old and I'm here crying myself to sleep because I know deep down that admitting this to anyone would just get me hollow pity, which isn't the kind of relationship I need, making the whole thing one big feedback loop of depression.