Hello I’m a 23yo male. I don’t know, I really don’t rant but years of therapy showed me you have to talk your feelings out. Maybe everyone has an opinion. Ok here’s the rundown 🤝🏼 I don’t believe I had an easy childhood. Physical, mental, sexual, and just straight up #### up abuse. I moved out at 17, went to a different school and thought hey I’d make new friends new girls but hey I don’t talk to no one from that school anymore once we graduated. I felt more normal around drug addicts and the party goers. My mom died on Christmas Eve from pcp and I only got 15 minutes to say bye coming from a mommas boy it really did mess me up. I had a relationship at the time. 4 and 1/2 years of her and I don’t know. It was so toxic. Apologizing every single day and being told that they think you hate them no matter what when you really stopped talking to anyone for her. I loved her. Addiction runs in my blood. I wasn’t the best guy nor was she. We ended things last week. I’m really sad but THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I’VE HAD NO SUICID IDEATION. It’s really what’s keeping me going. I’m talking to OF girls just to fill this empty space in me. I’ve been under the influence since we ended things last week which for 3 years I stopped. I’m taking the steps to get back into therapy because I need it sadly. I’m scared I have a good job and am financially floating my head out the water but I’m getting high at work I don’t want to mess my life up more I’m having sleep deprivation and eating problems. I hung out with my real homies recently and we just spoke about our life decisions and how much they missed me these past years. I have/had a lot of self hatred. I don’t care about your sympathy I just need to talk. I don’t know if this will ever get approved I think Reddit is kinda lame can’t seem to understand it