I can't seem to shake the loneliness or the depression this weekend. It's usually not this bad, but it's hitting my like a truck right now.

I feel so alone. I don't have the money to go out and neither do the two friends I have. Even if they did, one is so busy actually doing things with friends that it takes weeks to schedule a hang out. I have up on that long ago.

Nobody ever invites me anywhere. They never have. Only two people my entire life invited me to hang out. I've always been the one scheduling things, and then nobody ever invites me anywhere, even those who know that I like going out.

I've tried meeting women, but three anxiety disorder and OCD makes it so hard. I'm doing my best in therapy, but my best isn't good enough. I'm still fucking up every aspect of my life and I can't seem to find the motivation to do anything about it.

Dating apps are a fucking joke. I keep deleting them only to go back because I have no one in my life. Every time I get close to a relationship, I always find a way to ruin it.

I just can't do this shit anymore. I don't know how to change it. Everyone keeps telling me I need to just do it, but how the fuck do I do it. Nobody taught me this shit. All anybody in my life has said was just do it. Even my therapist said just fucking do it. I don't think anybody knows how hard I fucking try. I'm just so done.

I don't want to do this, anymore. I don't want to feel like this anymore, but meds and therapy aren't doing shit. I'm at a complete loss, I feel so alone. I don't know what to do.