I've never been on a date or had a serious partner in my 20 years, and I hate it. I hate the feeling of having so many friends who love and care about me, and I treasure that. But every day, I feel like something is missing—something I will never have or know what it feels like.

Five months ago, I thought I finally had someone I could love romantically. I had my first kiss with her after she held me, and I even had my first sexual experience with her. I was enamored with her, but we both wanted different things. She wanted a more casual relationship that didn't have labels, and I wanted to start a relationship with her.

We kept seeing each other for about two weeks, and I know I should've cut it off, but how could I? I was and still am so desperate for love that I was willing to continue seeing her, even though I knew it would never work and that I was going to hurt majorly in the end.

I want to move on, but I don't know how to. I've tried talking with other girls, dating apps, and even hook ups. Nothing is filling this void in my heart. I just want someone to hold and kiss and take on cute little dates.

It just feels like I'm not made for someone to love.